Feeling Handsy

https://video.wixstatic.com/video/bb8c3b_3f2997a0c5d944d79617c47fc0d5536f/720p/mp4/file.mp4

I guess as a human with a strong Scorpio placement I'm rather used to solitary living. Earlier in my life about midway in my late early 30's i realized a pattern i have with people in my life. I bond with a collection of people to share experiences and then part to grow. I'm not someone with many friends. I keep fairly close to the chest when it comes to private living quarters but share myself openly with strangers, if that makes sense. Maybe i'll find a better more articulate way of describing myself later but honestly I'm still trying to understand who I am and why. Life is an artform. Living is an artform. Our lives are our greatest masterpieces. I have so much to say and it all sometimes just whizzes through me like a train passing by. I've started this blog or diary I suppose really to keep a record of my thoughts, experiences and growth. I also know I need to be doing something with my hands to express my life. I've had this strong urge to create something but I don't know what. An urge to use my hands to communicate but I don't know how. I'm referring to this instinctive urge and confusion on how to carry it out as 'phantom creativity'. I'm suppose to be doing something & I just have no idea what. I'm so different now. I use to be a grundgy moody artist. I flailed about with my paint & emotions. Kicked, spit, punched, cut, scratched, abused my canvas. Now - I'm too fucking happy for that shit. Now I sculpt little dogs and hearts out of air-dry clay. Who the fuck am i? What am I suppose to be doing here? What am i growing into?